*emanoN

That was a helluva wedding yday....
....not quite myself just yet.

X
emanoN

were you all dropped as children?
The toothpaste that turns in to a foam in you mouth?!!
HOW CAN IT BE!!!! WOW!
Are you daft or something? Have you ever used a toothpaste that doesn't turn into a foam?
I don't mean to be funny, but that ad is a play with people.
Don't sink that low please.
Go ahead buy the toothpaste if it works, if you like it or whatever, but please dont buy it because "it turns into a foam"!!!

Other than that I'm off to work soon.
I'm just being so drained right now.
It's like before I was just fed up with things, but now....I've just lost it. I just can't be bothered.
Which is GREAT timing, concidering I'm working more hours this month....yaaaay or something.
I just can't wait for the weekend, thank good im not working this saturday!
On the other hand I'm going to a wedding....people I don't know.
When we got invited I thought "cool, a chance to meet some new ppl and to have some fun!" right now I'm thinking...shit why did I say yes... But I will go, I'm gonna regret it if I don't.

Well I better get ready, wish me luck today guys!

tata
X
emanoN

Don't let where you are limit what you do.

I think the world is unfair. (duh surprise! ) But I think many people limits them selves without knowing it. Just because you live in the middle of the desert it doesnt mean you can't become a gret surfer for example. But how will you ever know?
So many people say: "make the most with what you've got" I say: Make the most with what you can get! Don't let anything stop you and you don't know what you can do until you try!
I totaly respect people who are happy and content with where and who and what they are but what I will never ever tolerate is people whining about things. "I will never get out of this sorry excuse of a town" well HAVE YOU TRIED??? And more importantly, have you tried more than once?

 I loathe people who gives up.

Which brings me to another subject I've been thinking about; marriages. Why do people just give in and give up? I'm not saying all marriages are there to last forver (which opens the subject on why people rush into it but thats a subject for another day) Fight for it damn it! Gaaahhh i'm to tired to even start talking about this now, but all you people pisses me off!!

I might get back to you later, i need to go for a run or something to blow some steam.

tata for now X emanoN

song for today..it's so bloody brilliant...carry on damn it!

And the lyrics: Badfinger - Carry on till tomorrow

In younger days, I told myself my life would be my own
And I'd leave the place where sunshine never shone
For my life's too short for waiting when I see the rising sun
Then I know again that I must carry on
Carry on till tomorow, there's no reason to look back
Carry on, carry on, carry on
Beyond the shadows of the clouds and onward to the sky
Carry on till I find the rainbow's end
For my life's too short for waiting when I see the rising sun
Then I know again that I must carry on

Carry on till tomorow, there's no reason to look back
Carry on, carry on, carry on

Drifting on the wings of freedom, leave this stormy day
And we'll ride to tomorrow's golden fields
For my life's too short for waiting when I see the rising sun
Then I know again that I must carry on

Carry on, carry on, carry on

And when the heavy journey's done, I'll rest my weary head
For the world and it's colours will be mine
For my life's too short for waiting when I see the setting sun
Then I know again that I must carry on

Carry on till tomorow, there's no reason to look back
Carry on, carry on, carry on

I've been gone, proper gone.
I've been in a proper "can't be arsed"-mood the last six months or so.
So yeah I've hit bottom, but atleast I've got firm ground under my feet now.
So..... onwards.

So we are all gonna die in swineflu, fruktosis makes us fat, spring is here, everyones pregnant and the ressesions has just become a word.
None of all of that is on my mind right now.
I'm having an age-crisis.
When I was 5 years old just about to turn 6, my dad asked me what I wanted for my b-day.I said:
"I wanna be 4 again."
And I've felt like that ever since. Can't you all see that we are being tricked? God...
I just refuse to belive that the meaning of life is to get old.
I've been thinking about this alot, the "meaning" of life. First of all I would like to say that I'm not convinced that there is a meaning, and I don't mean this in a fatalistic way, what I mean is just that I'm not sure that everything has a meaning. I think alot of people use that as an excuse for things; "When my husband left me I thought my life was over but then I met my new boyfriend and now my life's bloody brilliant, theres a meaning to everything that happens" yadayadayada.... that type of crap I mean. NO!
Well, since I am this way...not convinced everything has a meaning..... I haven't felt that I have to accomplish anything in particular.Don't get me wrong, I've always had goals, but more based on a what I want to do than on a what I feel I have to do basis, if that makes sense.
But now, I'm getting old and I'm starting to think that maybe I have missed something? Like I have done alot of things I have wanted to do through life so I'm not bitter or have any regrets or anything but I'm having this feeling "should I have wanted something else?" Like should I belive in something else? I don't belive in God or any other higher power, I don't belive in a "meaning" of life. The only thing I belive in is that random events form your life and who you become, but I also belive that it is up to each and every one of us to do what we want with those random events. It is up to YOU to decide who you want to be.
I chose to become what I am today and I like me, I'm just wondering.....would I be the same if I had done differently.... I would like to see a version of "sliding doors" starring me and my life, just to know. And am I getting too old to have another go?

Another thing I have done is to start writing a diary again, you know like a proper "write with a pen on paper" one, it's very theraputical. It's a little bit "artsy crafty" since I put quite a bit of time into it. But it helps getting alot out but the most interesting hing is to read it afterwards, not straight after not even a week after I've written something but maybe a year or even longer after. God it helps me stop myself from doing some mistakes over and over again! Right now I'm reading my diary from the year before I moved to England, and I am acctually quite pleased! I wrote about all those things I wanted to do and things and I have acctually done quite a few of those things! Go ME!

I'm gonna try and perk myself up now. I'm setting new goals. I have never failed to reach a goal I have written down. So I'm of to write my diary again. And I have it all figured out in my mind. I'm not gonna change the world but I'm gonne turn my world around.

tata for now
X
emanoN